Star Wars - Episode VIII - The Last Jedi
by Isa'ralia Faradien
Summary: (a.k.a "We don't give a f*ck about Episode VI's meaning") - You deserved it.
1. One-Shot

**STAR WARS**

 **EPISODE VIII – THE LAST JEDI**

(a.k.a "We don't give a f*ck about Episode VI's meaning")

* * *

CAST

Adam Driver  
 _Ben Solo / Kylo Ren / Bad Copy of Jacen Solo / Whiny Emo Fanboy / Crylo Ren / Quiche Lorraine_

Daisy Ridley  
 _Rey / Mary Sue / The Force_

John Boyega  
 _Finn / human!Jar Jar Binks_

Oscar Isaac  
 _Poe Dameron / Bad Copy of Corran Horn (without the Force)_

Mark Hamill  
 _Luke Skywalker / Jedi Coward / Ben Kenobi_

Carrie Fisher  
 _Leia Organa Solo / Not Meeting Her Own Son Anymore / "We needed a Rebellion imitation to feed the fan's nostalgy, even if we don't know why we really need a Resistance"_

Domhnall Gleeson  
 _Armitage Hux / Bad Copy of Tarkin / Has A Poker Up His Arse_

Gwendoline Christie  
 _Phasma / Useless & Forgettable Character_

Andy Serkis  
 _Snoke / Giant Gollum / Discount Emperor / Certainly not Darth Plagueis (or any other Sith) (nor even a true Sith Lord) (if he is then I swear I'll hang myself – what an insult to my Order)_

Tom Hardy  
 _Stormtrooper / I'm Just Another Fanboy_

Benicio Del Toro  
 _DJ / The Collector_

Laura Dern  
 _Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo / I Don't Even Wear A Military Uniform_

Lupita Nyong'o  
 _Maz Kanata / fem!Yoda_

Peter Mayhew  
 _Chewbacca / My Best Friend's Dead and Now I Have To Hang Out With Mary Sue_

Kelly Marie Tran  
 _Rose Tico / Another Female Character to Achieve Quotas_

Anthony Daniels  
 _C-3PO / Still A Really Annoying Droid_

* * *

BONUS

J. J. Abrams  
 _Jar Jar Abrams_

Harrison Ford  
 _Han Solo / Coward Husband / Betrayed Father_

Kenny Baker  
 _R2-D2 / Convenient Coma_

Kathleen Kennedy  
 _Demonic Minnie Mouse_

Pablo Hidalgo  
 _Chronology Destroyer / Insults Legends Fans on Twitter (then deletes)_

James Earl Jones  
 _Darth Vader / Depressed Grandfather ("my son's a coward, my grandson's an idiot, and my sacrifice means nothing if they can make money on apocalyptic titles")_


	2. Guest review answer

My _dear_ Guest review (obviously too coward to even login...)

Nothing sexist or even racist in saying "Mary Sue" or "human Jar Jar Binks". It would be incredibly stupid for a woman to be sexist... And I don't care about people's skin colour, they're just people. So, no, I _never_ had any sexist or racist word in this text. I only characterized both of them according to their personality, not their gender or appearance.

Rey possesses all the characteristics that define the "Mary Sue" characters in fanfictions (or even original stories). Finn is pretty useless and boring, just as Jar Jar Binks was.

Also, I _never_ attacked people with PTSD by saying Han or Luke are cowards! I'm just pointing out that running away is not supposed to be part of their characters.

Will you stop accusing me of saying only horrible things? You put in my mouth ideas I never expressed in my entire life. Is this the only way you found to criticize me? You mind may be even poorer than I thought...

J.J. Abrams appears here as a "bonus", it's written just above his name. As is Han Solo, but curiously you don't point _this_ out. Rian Johnson's name does not appear because I hadn't watched his film when I wrote this. EVEN MORE, all this cast is based upon how the characters were behaving in _TFA_ , and I assumed it would be no better in TLJ (and it wasn't, except for Ren perhaps).

I don't consider this text as a "pathetic attempt to be funny and edgy", I merely expressed by thoughts, so sorry they weren't to your taste! Someday, perhaps, this new Lucasfilm might be able to present us a story without flaws so HUGE they can't even hide behind a Hutt.

You bet wrong. Actually, I kind of like the prequels, some parts of them though. Episode III is one of my two favourites Star Wars films, along with Episode V. And Episodes I & II actually contain some good and interesting ideas, or actors. (Okay, not Jar Jar Binks, he was awful and shouldn't have the right to belong to this universe.)

But now I'm part of the people who "whine" as I consider Lucasfilm (and _not_ George Lucas) is "ruining my childhood", by making films that just belong into a trash compacter, with uninteresting characters (I'd trade Rey and Finn, and even Poe Dameron, to get back Mara Jade). I don't even need to compare the new trilogy with the Legends, they already are _low_ under the OT's quality.

On the contrary, TLJ is exactly what it could have been! A bit better than TFA, but clearly Rian Johnson didn't want to bring up a film that Abrams will ruin next. This "cast" may not be proper criticize, nor even "legitimate", but it represents a summary of what's going on in the part of the fandom that is actually inhabited by fans with _common sense_. Of course, I could criticize with more developped ideas, but it was _not_ the idea of this text.

And I clearly don't agree with you, but it doesn't give you the right to insult me (anonymously! not even the courage to do it properly!)

The only thing I apologise for here, it's for potential English mistakes: I'm not a native speaker, and I don't beta reviews answers :)


End file.
